A Spartan Father's Day
Father’s Day always brings to mind the misconception many people have about the ancient world: that fathers (or parents more generally) did not love their children as much as we do today. This is not true.
It is easy to stereotype historical figures. When we read about ruthless kings or conniving queens, aloof fathers, or cold and calculating warriors, it is very convenient to take these characters at face value. Due, in no small part, to the way it simplifies our narrative. But people rarely fit these stereotypes.
My favourite example of this comes form the ancient biography of a 5th-4th century king of Sparta named Agesilaus II. Agesilaus is a fascinating figure. A ruthless warrior king who took the city-state of Sparta to the zenith of its power in ancient Greece before overseeing its catastrophic fall in the mid-4th century as well.
Agesilaus is particularly interesting because his story contradicts many of the stereotypes about Spartan society. Not least of which is the belief that the Spartans demanded physical perfection from their citizens; those deemed imperfect at birth were said to be disposed of by being thrown from a cliff. This belief is actually not true, and you can read this article to find out more. One of the reasons we know it is not true is because of Agesilaus, who was born with a disability that affected his mobility.
Another Spartan stereotype is that they did not care for their children. From the age of seven, Spartan children entered into a state-run educational system, and this has been used to suggest that Spartan parents (especially fathers) did not grow attached to their children at all. This idea is reinforced by the prevailing belief that ancient men in general did not grow attached to their children; an idea not helped by Aristotle who claimed that (Eudemian Ethics 7.1241b):
Mothers love [their children] more than fathers because they think that children are more their own work.
For Agesilaus, we see that the opposite was true. In his biography, written by Plutarch, he is described as a philoteknos – a lover of children. And there is a very sweet story told about Agesilaus getting caught playing a game with his children (Plutarch, Agesilaus 25.5):
It is a fact also that Agesilaus was excessively fond of his children, and a story is told of his joining in their childish play. Once, when they were very small, he bestrode a stick, and was playing horse with them in the house, and when he was spied doing this by one of his friends, he entreated him not to tell anyone, until he himself should be a father of children.
For Agesilaus, it is interesting that his response is not just one of embarrassment, but also one that is slightly defensive: you will understand when you have children of your own.
There is something both endearing and a little sad about this anecdote. The scene itself could be found in any time period up to the modern day, of a father entertaining his children with silly games. But the idea that he was ashamed to be ‘caught’ in the act is indicative of cultural norms and expectations.
It is not that the Spartans did not like their children, it was that Spartans could not be seen to enjoy their company or maybe even their role as parent. Which is a shame really.